The Narrator Chronicles
by scuderia tifosi
Summary: Reboot. After an unusually slow day at the HQ, the Narrator gets the rest of the day off. Oneshot.


**All rights belong to their respective owners.**

\- Outside POV -

~Welcome to Mayfair, London, home of the giant red pillbox and the Danger Babies. So far, nothing's turned up today.~

"I want to wee-wee." said a Danger Baby.

~Speaking of which, I feel the need to tinkle myself.~

A sound of someone getting up and footsteps were heard, followed by a restroom door closing, then by a sound of pants being unzipped. The sound of water flowing into another body of liquid was then heard, followed by some long moan of relief.

~That's quite dark, and foamy.~

The sound of water being poured into another liquid then subsided, before it stopped completely. A sound of pants being zipped, followed by a toliet flushing was heard.

~That was glorius.~

A sound of a faucet being turned on, and water rushing was then heard, followed by the tap being turned off, and the hand dryer being used. Someone was heard re-entering the booth.

~So where were we? Oh-~ A phone was heard ringing. ~Hello? Yes sir. Nothing's happening for the rest of this fan-fiction? The rest of the day off? Thank you. And good day.~ The handset of a phone was heard being placed back on the phone's cradle. ~Woohoo! I finally get to buy groceries!~ The sound of equipment and power being turned off was heard, followed by a door being opened, closed and then locked.

* * *

\- Narrator's POV -

On street level, a red Toyota MR2 roadster, with rental plates comes into view. The narrator then unlocked the car door and reached into the glove compartment, where he retrived another key. He then proceeded to pop the trunk in front, where he took out a coin pouch and opened it, revealing another key. after closing and securing the trunk, he opened the hood where the ignition key laid on the engine cover. After taking the key and closing the hood, the narrator then proceeded to close the door, strap himself in and started the car.

Later, at a convenience store, the narrator was looking up at some cold beverages in a fridge. ~This is boring.~ A sigh was heard. ~For the first time, I actually have both time and money, but I can't decide what to get.~ He then opened the fridge. ~Aaaaaaahhhhhhh... What a refreshing breeze...~

The narrator then got home. It was an apartment with a bedroom and a study. He put the groceries and his keys on the dining table. He then turned on the TV. It was showing Hey Duggee. After listening to it's narration, he realized something. ~I've could have sworn the narrator sounds like Danger Mouse.~

He then flipped the channels until he was watching Pointless. ~Even the host sounds like Danger Mouse. And the co-host somehow reminds me of Professor Jellyfishowitz.~

The narrator then wound up on a home shopping network. ~I've always wanted that. Hey, it's on offer!~ He then dialed a number. ~Hello? I would like to place an order on [REDACTED]. Bring it to this address. 2 p.m.? I've got laundry to do. Just bring it to Bob's laundromat by the library. Name? Er...~ The narrator looked around his living room, trying to think of a name to provide, as he is contractually obligated to not reveal his identity, even on someone's fan-fiction. ~Lamp... chair... wall... er... living room... furniture... ceiling... poster?~

Surprisingly, the call center bought it. The narrator heaved a sigh of relief.

* * *

The following day, the narrator was at the laundermat's, watching his clothes spinning in the dryer. ~This is surprising therapetic.~ His train of thought was then broken by the courier of his package. "I'm looking for a Lamp-chair-wall-living-room-furniture-ceiling-poster." ~Yes, I'm... all of the above.~ "Please initial here, here, and here."

After signing, the narrator handed the notepad back to the delivery guy, who then handed him the package. He then sat down and sighed. His thoughts were soon broken, by the greeting of a familiar hamster. "Hello." The narrator looked up. It was Penfold. He was carrying a laundry basket and some groceries. But most noticably, he was wearing that hat from Melted. ~Penfold? What are you doing here? Doesn't HQ have a laundry room?~

"We do, but Chief somehow broke the washer while trying to do a double-load."

The narrator noticed the groceries. ~What's with all the candy? It's like 50 pounds worth.~

"The store's having a post-christmas clear-out sale. These were going for half-off."

~That's a lot of candy. Is the HQ holding a countdown party or something?~

"Actually, the professor wants to extract sugar from these to make bio-fuel." He then noticed the narrator's dry-cleaning. "How long were these in there? You're going to like, over-dry them."

~One can't over-dry clothes, just like one can't over-wet. You see, when it's wet, it's wet. Same thing with death. Someone shoots a dead body. The person ain't gonna die again, it's already dead. One can't over-dry, one can't over-die.~

They noticed the others in the laundromat staring at them. "Are you... getting any of this?" The dimunitive hamster asked.

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